i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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