I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize