apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
