My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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