I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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