that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
