Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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