You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
