I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.