I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
