Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
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I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.