He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
