Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
