Your face is a jimmy john
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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