He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize