I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
