Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
