The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
