I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
vagina is talking i cant
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
