Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
