no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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