12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
