Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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