Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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