I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Shame - the story of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize