Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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