just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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