He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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