You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
