Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
