We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
