I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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