According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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