Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
