HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
