My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
