I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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