How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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