Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
