That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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