I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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