Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
