I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
