if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
