The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
