I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
