Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
