Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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