all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
