If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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