shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
