like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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