it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
