My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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