then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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