Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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