A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
