I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
