Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
