Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel great
I just peed on a car
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
