I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
