I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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