Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
