Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
