the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
