That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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