well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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