He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
