Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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