Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
