Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
