i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
