if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
