im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
