the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
