I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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